Thank You

I know I have neglected this blog ever since one of my posts, Follow the Ripples, took on a life of its own. I never imagined that the mention of something that happened in my past could still be so alive and that recounting the events that led up to them could be so emotional. I go through my life day to day trying not to dwell too much on the past but at the same time not forgetting that it was those events that made me who I am today.

Today was the first day after closing "shop" at home and beginning to close the chapter on one of the most memorable times in my adult life. Over the past year I have had the chance to open my home to the family of clients that I have had the pleasure of servicing(MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER PEOPLE!) For some it's been a few months and for others, a staggering 20 years. This morning I began to de-construct my work area at home and the first thing I noticed is that all YOU PEOPLE ARE STILL HERE!!!! You couldn't even believe the areas of this place in which I found your hair trying to take up permanent residence!! Seriously enough already! HAHA

On the day I decided that I would open my doors to all of you I had some serious reservations about crossing the line from business to well....too personal. Over the year I lost a few of you but I gained a few others to replace those sorry asses!! All in all it wasn't too bad of an experience and now we all have to move forward into new territory and I just want to say that I hope those of you that follow will try to be patient with the transition that's to come. It's gonna be a bit bumpy but with some time and cooperation, I think we might all be able to get through it. For those of you that don't think you will be able to hang, I don't want you to feel pressured into returning because chances are, I'm already tired of you anyway!! LOL Just kidding.....REALLY!

Most of you know the reasons for this change and others well.........probably just aren't paying attention! So here is the chance that maybe you missed the first time around so you can really get what I'm talking about. This way if there is any question as to why I'm only working 3 days a week every 3 weeks, this will answer it all for you.

IM SICK! Is that plain enough for you? LMFAO!(For those of you who don't know abbreviations, acronyms or internet talk it means LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF)

OK OK thats a bit crude but it's the short version for those of you that don't want to deal with mortality and probably won't get past this sentence. For everyone else, here it is.

Over the past year my health as taken a bit of a downward turn. Along with the allergens in this sinkhole pit of a city that keep my body in a state of shock, it also keeps my stress levels HIGH which in turn keeps my blood pressure raised giving a much better chance of having a heart attack. To add to that, the HIV from the very beginning has robbed my body of its ability to produce testosterone. Yes that's right.......NO ERECTIONS FOR ME! BOO ME! LOL Aside from that however is that I can't gain muscle very easily to help combat the weight gain. Also with the lowered testosterone levels comes the risk of other diseases including all sorts of cancers!

I know....pretty fucked up ain't it??? At this point because I don't have insurance and even if I did I think we all know that any kind of disease, chronic or fatal is usually not covered or will find a way not to be covered. GO INSURANCE COMPANIES!!! At any rate, we have reached the end of my treatment unless by some miracle the laws pertaining to "pre-existing conditions" are changed before my condition becomes completely untreatable. If you are like me however and keep up with politics, you will know that even if those laws are changed, in all likely hood they will not take affect until at least the year 2014.

Yeah there are treatment options for me but they are all so aggressive that my body will probably shut down from the increase in all the medications I would have to take in order to keep the existing problems at bay. Well to be honest, I've seen what months or years of those medications can do to a person and the last thing I want to do is to turn into someone that is plagued by issues stemming from the toxins in certain medications. It's not the quality of life that I want or want to be remembered as living.

So here is the bright side!!!! I'm moving to a place that the air cleanses my head and washes away the allergens out of my body. A place where the stresses of life take a back seat and everyone is in "Island time zone". A place where I will most likely be able to be more active and take walks on the beach and ride the bike around the bay. While I'm there I will rest, I will gather my thoughts, I will write in my blog daily if I can and who knows, perhaps one day you will be reading the entire thing in a book when all is said and done! I don't know what the future will look like living at the beach(or close to it anyway) but I do know this and I want everyone else to know this.....I have not given up! I'm simply using a more holistic approach to my treatment instead of completely relying on traditional medicines that to this point have already run their course.

Well there it is in a nut shell.......OK maybe a COCONUT shell!! HAHA

For those of you that are still with me to this point thanks for listening and thanks for understanding. The only thing that I can leave you with at this point is this....

The next time you are at the polls and you are voting on an issue regarding humanity or equality........ think carefully of who and how they will be affected by your vote.

The next time you see someone in the street that is begging for some change....be kind IF YOU CAN and don't judge......... this person may have been a victim of life.

The next time you see someone that is overweight, don't stare in disgust, smile....they may have a major health issue and might just need your friendly smile.

But most important..........IF YOU OR SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU IS SICK AND YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH ME...........STAY HOME!!!

Love and Peace to everyone!

KEEP SAN ANTONIO LAME!

Ah San Antonio.......I just love this city! It has so much to give and is so rich in culture, food and diversity! UH......What is this some kind of Chamber of Commerce Ad??? NO way I don't do free advertising! This city has everything that a growing metropolis has to offer but wait, it also has this......LEADERS THAT ONLY WANT TO GLORIFY THEMSELVES aka SPOTLIGHT HOGS!

Over the past 5 years I have been involved on and off with a planning body in San Antonio and until today, was the co-chair of a group called the People's Caucus. This group is an extension of the San Antonio HIV Health Services Planning Council. It's mission is to gather with individuals that are infected or affected by HIV/AIDS in order to bring information to and from the Planning Council and the infected/affected community, a gateway of sorts to improve services that are funded by the Ryan White CARE Act. The Planning Council works with the Administrative Agency which in this case is The Bexar County Department of Community Investment, to ensure that all of the funding is distributed where it needs to be and to outline the service categories as needed by the infected/affected community.

Here's the problem.......CONFLICTS OF INTEREST! This unfortunately is a problem that will have to be amended at the federal level in regards to quorums and being compliant with federal guidelines. At a local level however, the problem remains that each individual, especially those at either high levels of authority within the Administrative Agency or senior members of the council, LOVE to be in the spotlight!! Unless the decisions that are made have some kind of merit in their own agendas, they continue to to defy progress in any situation! This is something we are all more familiar with as POLITICAL CORRUPTION!

I wish I could say that this is an isolated problem but it is not. This happens EVERYWHERE but most people either look the other way or just don't realize that it's actually happening! It is difficult for me to watch as our leaders, community and city, hold back the progression of growth and modernization. I am not speaking of the growth of the city because anyone that has lived here knows that over the past 10 years this city has exploded in size. What I am speaking about is the ability to keep up with the growth and making San Antonio a competitive modern metropolitan area.

For San Antonio the first consideration in any development??.......Keeping the "charm" of the city and making sure all the buildings that get erected downtown are low to the ground and are some shade of BROWN! (Are we still in the 1960's when there were only primary colors to choose from??) Driving in to San Antonio and seeing the downtown skyline, I'm reminded of the buildings I see in the more lower economic parts of large metro areas such as New York or Los Angeles. FAR FROM CHARMING! Driving into cities like Dallas and Houston is somewhat magical where their beautiful glass buildings and even some structures made of brick, overshadow and obstruct the visibility of eyesores even giving them a little charm.

In San Antonio we have over-developed areas of town that are allowed to further develop before any kind of infrastructure is in place or even considered! Why does this happen? Surely someone has to be held accountable right? Well of course not! City leaders don't give its constituents much information unless its something that people are screaming about in opposition to. Usually they will quietly pass something through to City Council to vote on based on the information gathered by a few members of the community(usually parties that will benefit from the item to be voted on) and before you know it, there's a new shopping center in your backyard and your driveway is the only way to get to it but too bad for you!

Another example, lets close one of the busiest(If not THE busiest) intersections in downtown SA, permanently close a street in order to revitalize a park in front of the courthouse and San Fernando Cathedral that is not wheel chair friendly because of its channels of gravel that you can only hope not to sink your heel into and trip should you be walking through the park as you watch SA's finest homeless bathing in the overpriced fountain systems that were installed as part of the parks $18 million plus project.......WHEW! That was a mouthful.

Why did we need that you ask? Well my own opinion is that someone in the church whispered it into the ear of one of our city officials maybe someone like.....I don't know......the former MAYOR?? I'm sure that he pitched it as "a place where people can all come together in the heart of the city" or something to that effect. More like "hmmm......this could really make me look good with the catholics AND the Hispanics". I hardly think that the people all stood up and in one voice shouted " WE NEED AN EXPENSIVE PARK DOWNTOWN AND BY THE WAY.....WE WANT TO PAY FOR IT TOO"!

I've noticed, while traveling to different cities in Texas that even some of the smaller metropolitan areas such as Austin, Corpus Christi, El Paso and even Lubbock all have one thing in common, they seem to realize that change is necessary in order for their cities to grow and compete with larger modern metropolitan cities. It is visible when you drive through these cities and you see the modernization in street lights and signs and buildings that are being constructed and streets that are being laid. They all seem to be working together within their planning bodies and have the interest of the city and its community and residents as their agenda and not each individual official vying for their place in the spotlight.

Today, sadly, I resigned as the Co-chair of The People's Caucus because of what I feel to be mishandling of issues within the Administrative Agency as well as the lack of support from certain individuals in the development of becoming a more modern instrument in serving the HIV/AIDS community. Unfortunately the agendas of a few came before the needs of the many in the community and made me look at San Antonio as I thought it to be all along, incapable of progressing.

Although there is political corruptness in every city, San Antonio should focus on being a model for proper development and growth for other cities nationwide. City officials or anyone who holds a community service position should remember why they ever began serving the community in the first place! We should take the communities and its residents into consideration before ourselves. Unfortunately the only thing that this current behavior does is.........

KEEP SAN ANTONIO LAME!